it was the first time i remembered a saturday night i forgot about

lost in suspicion
mangled cognition

you look and—
see exactly—
what did? you find?
i must be blind
embarrassed? defined?
a shame that—
binds

what i'd give to
get through to you

decay in dismay
shame to see the right way

you look and—
see exactly—
what would? you find?
i must be blind
by admission? defied?
a shame that binds

comfort in
reckoning
colloquy
obsolete

silencing, just and clean
infested, obsessed
at rest, at best
childhood lies and fantasies
again for the first time
bittersweet

childhood lies and memories
again for the first time
bittersweet